31.1.07

the skinny

when we last left off on this topic, i was under the impression the trial was under way and that i didn't have to testify.



of course, this is the canadian legal system we're dealing with, so they'll just let you think anything. it's about the money. as long as the money comes, they don't care one iota.



it seems the man who, well, caused all of this, has made several court appearances to appeal for legal aid and was denied. this is bullshitty smelling, even though he CRIMED on me, i still feel every human on this planet about to face trial deserves to have a lawyer. especially those with no money, and i happen to know this man has no money because he was a friend for a long time and has never once been able to hold down a job.



even more horrifying? the trial has not even begun. it has been set for november and i have been told i will be testifying. this is extra super fucked because since i've been back from thailand, i've been horribly miserable here. not depressed, not sad, just bored out of my skull and sick to death of paying the kind of cost of living vancouver requires. there is nothing to do here, ever, and because of this, pretty much everyone is losing their minds and only a few of us know it. people here are insane, dramatic and troublesome and there is nothing here to do. so, i've been planning to move. the secret is out. i was going to be living in mexico before the end of the year.



but now i have to testify. and if i leave the country, i can get in trouble.



so, to lay it out plain and simple. i have to testify in court in november against a man i once called a friend, who also gets to cross-examine me himself because he has no lawyer, and i may have to put off moving away from this dismal, grey rainy fuckhole of a city because of it.



they say every cloud has a silver lining, and i suppose this could be part of it. a new, funny "dad's losing it" story:



my dad stopped by a little while ago and i told him about crown counsel calling, i said, "the trial is in november and they told me i have to testify" and he said, "last november?" i said, "dad, you've been holding out, where's this time machine of yours?"





Technorati Tags: , , , ,

Prison Blog - genpop.org

26.1.07

bittersweet briefs

1.
A judge Thursday blocked two executions in North Carolina, creating a de facto moratorium on capital punishment in the state until it changes its lethal injection procedure.
N.C. is 11th state to halt lethal injections - Los Angeles Times

if only that said 50th state...

2.
A Dallas man who spent nearly half of his life in prison or on parole for a crime he did not commit was recently exonerated after DNA evidence cleared him of raping a 12-year-old boy in 1982. James Waller is the 12th person since 2001 whose conviction in Dallas County has been overturned as a result of genetic evidence.
Texas Man Exonerated By DNA Evidence; Court and Prosecutor Apologize

yay! i'm free! with no life skills, lost friends, lost family, nowhere to live, no job, and everywhere i go people look at me like, "is he really innocent?" um, on second thought, can i opt-in to the death penalty?

3.
WELLINGTON, N.Z. (AP) - New Zealanders' love affair with sheep gained official recognition Friday when the agriculture minister declared Feb. 15 "National Lamb Day."
Macleans.ca | Top Stories | New Zealand declares Feb 15 National Lamb Day to honour 60 million sheep

having national lamb day follow everyone's favorite (wink, wink, nod, nod) holiday, valentine's, feels just a touch perverse. i'm not sure why. all those lonely shepherds out in the rolling hills of new zealand, who's only company are the sheep, valentine's day passes by and our lonely shepherd's heart feels heavy. what might have happened in brokeback had jake not had heath for company?

oh my gosh, courtney, shut up.


Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Prison Blog - genpop.org

martial law lifted in thailand

Martial law has been lifted in more than half of Thailand, two months after the move was authorised, a government spokesman said.
BBC NEWS | Asia-Pacific | Thailand partly lifts martial law



this is such an incredible example of how we, in the western world, live in this fucking bubble of ignorance. people see the words "martial law" and gasp. do you know what the average day for us was in phuket, under "martial law"?



wake up around 9-ish, head to breakfast, then to the pool, where my first singha (beer) is consumed. we keep drinking around the pool 'til about noon then i grab my half-finished 3rd singha of the day and walk to bobby's. halfway there i finish my singha and stop into any store and pick up another one. the cashier opens it for me, with the opener that sits on every store counter for just that purpose. keep walking to bobby's, we pick a beach over lunch, pack up some towels, hop in the jeep, stop at a store and buy a bag of beers, one opened for my mom and i, hop back in the jeep, and head to the beach we chose, drinking beers on the way. when we get to the beach, we swim immediately because it's so fucking hot in bobby's jeep, then towel ourselves off, by which time the beach guy comes along and asks if we would like any drinks. we order another singha. swim. another beer. swim. another beer. then we're all crispy and water logged so we head back into patong, back to our rooms, where there is beer in the fridge. shower, get dressed, then off to dinner. along the way we stop and get singhas at any store, bring our half-finished beers into the restaurant we pick, eat, leave, wander around bangla road, where the crowd is so thick you can lose each other in minutes, and everyone has a beer in hand. if it's a more energetic night, we'd lose the folks and head to a bar or karaoke or something, where buckets of sang som would be served, buckets you could take outside to the very public street at the end of which was patong beach. along the way if i finish my drink, no worries, every fucking store sells single cold beers and has an opener and is open til like 6am. grab another drink, head to the beach and sit in cocaine-like sand in 25-degree night air and listen to the waves. and the entire day, we passed cops everywhere who smile at us.



had i done all of that in richmond, how many times would i have been arrested or bobby had his license taken away or we'd have had to pour our beers out?



this is thailand UNDER martial law. i wonder what it's like without it?





Technorati Tags: , , ,

Prison Blog - genpop.org

25.1.07

boeing 787

holy shazz! i think it should be called the boeing enterprise... i wonder if it has a holodeck. or a replicator. 1 to beam up there, scotty, i think i might be in danger of being lynched after this perverse display of utter geekdom.




Technorati Tags: , , ,

Prison Blog - genpop.org

quite possibly, the stupidest man in the world

A public treasurer in the Michigan county of Alcona stands accused of embezzling tax payers out of more than $1.2m, at least part of which was used to cover costs he incurred falling for a Nigerian banking fraud.

Michigan treasurer falls for Nigerian scam | The Register



ahem. the scam:

Subject: CONFIDENTIAL PROPOSAL



My name is Mr.Moses Odiaka.I work in the credit and accounts department of

Union Bank of NigeriaPlc,Lagos, Nigeria. I write you in respect of a

foreign customer with a Domicilliary account. His name is Engineer Manfred

Becker. He was among those who died in a plane crash here in Nigeria

during the reign of late General Sani Abacha.



Since the demise of this our customer, Engineer Manfred Becker, who was an

oil merchant/contractor, I have kept a close watch of the deposit records

and accounts and since then nobody has come to claim the money in this a/c

as next of kin to the late Engineer. He had only $18.5mllion in his a/c

and the a/c is coded. It is only an insider that could produce the code or

password of the deposit particulars. As it stands now,there is nobody in

that position to produce the needed information other than my very self

considering my position in the bank.



Based on the reason that nobody has come forward to claim the deposit as

next of kin, I hereby ask for your co operation in using your name as the

next of kin
k. there is a serious voting problem in the united states of america. not only is your president a maddening example of this very, very serious problem, but the fact that in this county in michigan, the public treasurer's job was filled by a man who fell for the nigerian banking fraud email?



what exactly are the qualities you people look for in those you vote in to run things? fetal alcohol syndrome? curly hair? what the fuck? the NIGERIAN BANK SCAM? it actually WORKS?? merciful mary mother of jesus... i mean, i knew there existed stupid people in the world but this just takes the cake... someone fell for the nigerian bank scam... *shakes head* this challenges everything darwin ever uttered. this is reverse evolution. no, fuck that, i don't even think a monkey would fall for the nigerian bank scam.





Technorati Tags: , , , , ,

Prison Blog - genpop.org

24.1.07

the flitting phantoms of iniquity

just laying in bed finishing up this:



gobbling up every last word of joseph campbell's seriously soul-feeding anecdotes and myth-telling, when he delivered this wonderful quote from nathaniel hawthorne:

"man must not disclaim his brotherhood, even with the guiltiest..."

and i dog-eared my beach-bruised, boat-battered and plane seat pocket-torn copy just to share it with y'all.


Technorati Tags: , , ,

Prison Blog - genpop.org

hurts so good

http://www.asofterworld.com/

Prison Blog - genpop.org

23.1.07

rock, lock and two smokin' paws

sunday night, rocky and i celebrated an amazing day in football and i had to record his happiness. look how he hovers:



and the head cocking madness:



dangit i love this doggy.





Technorati Tags: ,

Prison Blog - genpop.org

21.1.07

sweet, sweet victory

atta boys!















Technorati Tags: , , , , , ,

Prison Blog - genpop.org

hey, it worked for pittsburgh

our father,
who art in chicago
football be thy game
the kingdom come
the super bowl's to be won
on earth as it is in soldier field
give us this day a playoff victory
and forgive us our penalties
as we defeat those who play against us
but lead us into a victory
and deliver us to florida




Prison Blog - genpop.org

18.1.07

the point of no return

i think this chat has permanently removed any coolness potential i ever had.



12:41:40 PM chromeheart77: hey do you have file maker 8 running?

1:13:55 PM vlu77: no 78

1:13:57 PM vlu77: sorry

1:13:58 PM vlu77: 7

1:13:59 PM vlu77: hahaha

1:14:01 PM vlu77: 78

1:14:02 PM chromeheart77: hahaha

1:14:03 PM chromeheart77: 78

1:14:08 PM vlu77: that's like 20 yrs in the future

1:14:08 PM chromeheart77: in year 2065

1:14:11 PM vlu77: haha

1:14:12 PM chromeheart77: haha

1:14:20 PM vlu77: wow

1:14:25 PM vlu77: geekiest chat ever





Technorati Tags: , ,

Prison Blog - genpop.org

favorites

1. vork from ze frank's ORG - check out his vlog here: headwrong

2. devin hester of the chicago bears, he's like, magic and stuff.

3. drummer john's chilli. oh man, it's almost gone, too. maybe i can talk him into making another batch this weekend.

4. 6 pairs of new socks.

5. ryan seacrest. i just love the beginning of a new season of american idol. although i watched the entire season last year because i was extraordinarily entertained by taylor hicks, i have never watched a full season prior, nor will i ever again unless some new weirdo catches my attention like hicks did. but. i love the first few episodes because nothing on television makes me think quite so hard. seriously. not documentaries about quantum physics, not accounts of the roswell incident, not even when they report another death sentence has been carried out (ech, puke, cough). the one thing on television that makes me think the most are the first few episodes of a new american idol season. why? because so many people suck. we're not talking like, courtney love suck, we're talking like, i'd-rather-eat-a-tumor-that-was-removed-from-dubya's-asshole-two- weeks-ago-and-left-unrefrigerated-than-listen-to-some-of-these-people-sing suck. and yet, their friends, family and co-workers let them go up in front of randy, simon and paula on national television and make fools of themselves. my mind wanders, "how do these people not know they suck? why doesn't anyone tell them? are their loved ones that afraid to tell them they suck? what kind of loved ones are these people? letting their family member or friend go up there and screech like that?" and then i think, "it can't possibly be real, these people must be hired actors or something. but wait, there's been, what 6 seasons of this, equaling thousands of people sucking on tv - how could it possibly be a set-up? you'd think somewhere along the line, if that many people had been hired to come on tv and SUCK, that someone would eventually let it slip and we'd all know by now it wasn't real? and come to think of it, we all know someone who sucks hard at singing but thinks theyre good. i know one in particular who i would definitely let go audition for canadian idol just so i could piss myself laughing. so these people are really real? what? what the hell is going on?" and so on, and so forth. but my favorite, my absolute favorite, is ryan seacrest and how he can talk to these people and say some of the things he does and keep a straight face. like putting his arm around some massive chick with a fuzzy bleach blond bob cut, wearing no bra, who's triple-G cup sagging boobs wiggle with every breath she makes, and ask her if she's going to "bring the sexy". it's as if he were a robot. and if he is, where the hell can i get one?

6. my new tattoo.

7. thinking about getting 3 more tattoos

8. crosswords at lunch

9. starbucks' chai latte

10. mike. yeah he dropped on the list. i don't care if he is in the joint. i have no sympathy. poo. who am i kidding...



seacrest out.





Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Labels:

Prison Blog - genpop.org

17.1.07

4 days and counting...

as a newcomer to grid iron fandom, i have one question for the more seasoned football enthusiasts.

how the hell do you focus on work when the bears play the saints this weekend? is this the true reason why january is one of the least productive work months of the year in north america? and what if the bears go to the super bowl? how does one prevent the inevitable heart attack? valium? morphine? what, what? ugh. i have developed a compulsion. i keep reloading nfl.com like that's gonna make the time go faster...

who did this to me? i used to hate football!


Technorati Tags: , , , , ,

Prison Blog - genpop.org

16.1.07

was it even real?

someone on ze frank's ORG recently asked me if i ever feel like it had all been a dream when you get back from an incredible trip somewhere. i answered yes. but this time it's even worse than ever before. i left a bunch of bullshit behind. let's jsut say i deleted the bullshit from my life and just took off to thailand. i came back and it wasn't the same home i'd left. it was calm. there was fun, loads of fun to be had, such as last weekends romp with live bands and thai rum, but it was still calm. no one was calling me to tell me that this person had said that and that person had said this, no one was punching each other, nothing was broken, no cops needed to be called. it was calm. tremendously calm. if it weren't for the weather, it would have almost been nice coming home.



slowly, slowly, the gears behind the grapevine started to crank though, and one specific piece of info trickled in repeatedly. it was disturbing info. it was sad, if it was true. very sad. i became concerned the more i heard it until finally my conscience gave way and i contacted someone perhaps i shouldn't have. in fact, no, i now know i shouldn't have.



despite how many times i have forgiven and forgotten the things a few people have done to me, and my family, one small email to the wrong person has turned my small group of friends upside down.



i apologize. i have learned my lesson. next time, i will simply watch while you fucking kill yourself.



i look back over the past month and i wonder if thailand was even real. maybe i made it up in my head to escape this bullshit. maybe the bullshit never stopped. maybe it was all a dream.

Prison Blog - genpop.org

the world's coolest souvenir



all healed, the finished product. how many people can say they got a traditional thai bamboo tattoo on koh phi phi on christmas day? fuck that thing is beautiful, no?





Technorati Tags: , , , ,

Prison Blog - genpop.org

15.1.07

oh when the saints...


7 whole days til sexy rexy does it again. what is it we're supposed to be doing in the meantime? oh, right, work...

Prison Blog - genpop.org

14.1.07

beware sang som; the dangers of thai rum

ever get so drunk you wake up the next day at 430pm and forget, entirely, what the fuck happened the night before? you find yourself wondering if apologies need to be made, messes cleaned up, photos deleted, long distance phone bills paid...

up until this recent new year's eve, i'd never blacked out in my life. enter sang som, thai rum that tastes like whiskey and has the mind-altering affects of marijuana, cocaine and a tiny dose of LSD. i blacked out so bad on new year's eve, the last thing i remember was asking what time it was and seeing the entirety of the sky over phuket, thailand light up with fireworks and smoke and watching fire dancers dot kata beach up and down. i don't remember the tuk tuk ride home, and i don't remember getting into bed. naturally, i thought bringing two litres of the shit home with me was a great fucking idea.

friday night, the assassination played a show at the picadilly pub in vancouver, where four bands played, i drank way too much beer and some shots and by the time the last band (a sheep at the wheel) went on stage, i was all over the guitar player because he had really cool pants. unfortunately, his wife was there, and once sobriety hit the next day, i felt like an ass. ehh, such is life...

so we come home from the show at like 1am-ish, and hit the sang som. hard. i don't remember much, talking to adam in iowa, changing my clothes a bunch of times, and still being awake, and very, very drunk at like 10 o'clock in the morning. the rest is black. pure blackness. woke up at 4:30 pm, trudged into the living room, and fell asleep on the couch.

agggh, what a waste of a weekend. go bears.

Prison Blog - genpop.org

12.1.07

eat my heart

been home for a week now, there is snow on the ground. it's really rather perverted to come from wearing 50 SPF sunblock and having to nightly rinse sand so white it could pass as salt out of your hair, to this, snow, sub-zero temps and SHIT ALL to do. but this is the least of my disappointments coming home.

i wrote mike prior to leaving, to wish him a merry christmas, with the childish and unrealistic notion that there was a possibility he'd write back. no such luck. it hurts so fucking bad i want to eat my own heart so the pain stops.

i don't think there's a man on this planet worthy of my utter devotion. not-a-one.

Labels:

Prison Blog - genpop.org

11.1.07

'07 > '06

in my 29 years of life, i have never once made a new year's resolution until this year. and this year, i seem to have made up for my lack of annual resolve in all years past. my resolutions:



1. quit smoking - it'll be a month on the 13th, hot shit!

2. start running every morning before work - yeah, this has been fairly painful. i don't think i have been so sore in my entire life.

3. eat better - so far, so good... ish.

4. tell mike to go fucking blow himself for being such a heartless fucker - working on it...

5. read more joseph campbell books - not even remotely difficult, i fuckin' love this man.

6. finish writing my book

7. go to cuba



i rang in the new year in a treehouse bar on kata beach, phuket, thailand after having consumed a bucket (literally, it was an actualy bucket) of thai rum, sang som, with my brother, my folks, emma, matt, and a bunch of other people from scotland, australia, england and thailand.



best. new year's. ever.





Technorati Tags: , , ,

Labels:

Prison Blog - genpop.org

1.1.07

www.gibbonproject.org

gibbons are apes that look like monkeys. they're endangered because of the illegal exotic pet trade, and locals use them as tourist attractions - assholes pay to have their picture taken with the babies. babies can only be caught if you kill the mother and they estimate that for every baby gibbon that survives, 10 are killed. once they reach maturity @ 6 or 7 years old, they grow sharp teeth and become aggressive, at which point they are either discard, killed, or locked up in a tiny cage. the gibbon rehabilitation project takes in such gibbons and tries to rehabilitate them. they teach them to live amongst other gibbons again and to not rely on humans. they are kept in large cages in the forest and have very little human contact. if and when they are rehabilitated, they are set free, although some can't be set free because they have aids, or are missing limbs or simply have had too much human contact to know how to be a gibbon again. these gibbons are kept in their cages and you can visit them at the gibbon rehabilitation project in phuket.

From Thailand 2006/07




From Thailand 2006/07


From Thailand 2006/07

Prison Blog - genpop.org

scuba!

last friday i went scuba diving near racha island just off of phuket. me in my gear:

From Thailand 2006/07

Prison Blog - genpop.org