been home for a week now, there is snow on the ground. it's really rather perverted to come from wearing 50 SPF sunblock and having to nightly rinse sand so white it could pass as salt out of your hair, to this, snow, sub-zero temps and SHIT ALL to do. but this is the least of my disappointments coming home.

i wrote mike prior to leaving, to wish him a merry christmas, with the childish and unrealistic notion that there was a possibility he'd write back. no such luck. it hurts so fucking bad i want to eat my own heart so the pain stops.

i don't think there's a man on this planet worthy of my utter devotion. not-a-one.