someone on ze frank's ORG recently asked me if i ever feel like it had all been a dream when you get back from an incredible trip somewhere. i answered yes. but this time it's even worse than ever before. i left a bunch of bullshit behind. let's jsut say i deleted the bullshit from my life and just took off to thailand. i came back and it wasn't the same home i'd left. it was calm. there was fun, loads of fun to be had, such as last weekends romp with live bands and thai rum, but it was still calm. no one was calling me to tell me that this person had said that and that person had said this, no one was punching each other, nothing was broken, no cops needed to be called. it was calm. tremendously calm. if it weren't for the weather, it would have almost been nice coming home.



slowly, slowly, the gears behind the grapevine started to crank though, and one specific piece of info trickled in repeatedly. it was disturbing info. it was sad, if it was true. very sad. i became concerned the more i heard it until finally my conscience gave way and i contacted someone perhaps i shouldn't have. in fact, no, i now know i shouldn't have.



despite how many times i have forgiven and forgotten the things a few people have done to me, and my family, one small email to the wrong person has turned my small group of friends upside down.



i apologize. i have learned my lesson. next time, i will simply watch while you fucking kill yourself.



i look back over the past month and i wonder if thailand was even real. maybe i made it up in my head to escape this bullshit. maybe the bullshit never stopped. maybe it was all a dream.