you know, this show wouldn't be half bad if it werent for the judges. seriously, who's garbage can did they scrape these fuckers out of? honestly. we've got that asshole randy jackson, who talks like he did 20 years at san quentin, dawg this, dawg that. his reaction to a good performance "aight. yo. yo. so check this out. check this out. yo. aight. yo. yo. check this out. yo. dawg, you really nailed this one. that beat was bumpin'. idol in the hooowwwwwwse! good lookin' out, dawg!" does he even know what good lookin out means? and this is what he says when it's a bad performance, "aight. yo. yo. ok. aight so check this out. check this out. yo. yo. check this out. aight. yo. so, i gotta be honest with you dawg. it was really just aight for me man. it really wasn't that good. dawg. dawg. yo..... yo." i guess a stint with journey is like a bit in folsom. fuck.

then we have little miss mouse face who thinks she knows everything about everything and talks the same way normal people try to get to the center of a tootsie pop, all pucker-faced and sucky. and beside her? fuckin' pisstank abdul, who's in a rush, rush to get to the bottom of a twixer of bacardi. has she ever enunciated a word, ever? SPEAK, paula, pull your teeth apart, let the words OUT.

the only person with half a brain is simon the flaming canker sore. but seriously, this guy is out to lunch too. "why are you booing me when they said the same thing?" well, what boozer, wanna-be-con and mouseface all said was "the performance wasn't the best we've seen from you" and what you, little simy-poo, said was "go slit your wrists, there's no point to living, you suck so hard not even jesus loves you anymore... ahem. die." and then he follows it up with his trademark shoulder shrug, palms to the sky and a "WHOT??"

fuuuuck.

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