i'm a goddammned mommy

fuck. it's been a long time. seriously, i've probably lost all two of my readers. a lot has happened though. let's see if i can do it all justice in a 3 second recap:

my son was born on august 25th. he is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen. he was 7lbs 7oz (i know, the quantum field is riddled with 77 energy by now though, so it's no surprise). he has the most beautiful blue eyes. he is a happy baby. as i write this he is at my side in his bouncy chair squealing in delight at the bears that hang from it. he puts the gerber baby to shame. he is especially beautiful. i know that everyone says that about their kid, but he is honestly the most cherubic creature i have ever seen. an absolute angel.

we had him at hospiten riviera maya, here in playa del carmen, mexico. the only downside of which was the fact that we had to pay for it. otherwise, an amazing experience. the doctor gave us more attention than any canadian is used to - it's funny, when i first went in for an ultrasound, he didn't send me away with a sample of advil and tell me to come back in two weeks if it still hurt. i was like, a-say-what? then quickly remembered i was in mexico - doctors actually serve a purpose here! doctoring! amazing! our room was like a room in a 5 star hotel, we had like 9 or 10 nurses waiting on us hand and foot, we got a little care packag with slippers and toothbrushes and toothpaste and shit. am i having a baby or are we flying first class on singapore airlines?

labor was induced on monday morning, august 25th. i was kind of disappointed i didn't get to experience labor starting normally, but whatevs - a few hours laster i'd forgotten all about that and had moved on to the more blasphemous "jesus fucking christ on a cracker, would somebody get this baby out of me!" phase. at 3 cm dialated, i demanded an epidural (again, not caring about the naturalness of the whole ordeal anymore) and they wheeled me into another room where they took like 19 years to get me prepped to shove a needle in my back. i was about to throttle the anesthesiologist or strangle her with my IV as she took her sweet ass time. mañana, mañana, today we siesta... yeah, i'll teach her how to siesta. no, she was probably moving very fast, but when there's a planet spreading your hip bones, a second seems like a millenia.

as soon as i got the epidural, i dilated to 7 cm. family was on their way to the nearby mall for dinner after the doc told them i was only 3cm dialated, and it would be hours. a few minutes later he checked again and i was 9 cm dilated. all hell broke loose. they scrambled to unhook me from all the machines and monitors and drips and rushed me to the delivery room, john was whisked off to get scrubs on. in the delivery room i knew i was going to have to push soon, i couldn't stop myself anymore and i was worried john wouldnt make it in time. donde es mi novio? i was yelling. finally he rushed in and baby joey shot out like ricky bobby in a nascar car, so fast the doc didn't even have his gloves on yet.


me and the boy. he is now four and a half months old. he's sprouted two teeth already and he makes me smile like nobody's business. he is the greatest thing that has ever happened on this earth.

posted by Courtney at 11:34 a.m.

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