the beer cape might be a bad idea

alright, riddle me this, assholes.

what do you get when....

at around 9pm in the evening ash and i are driving down number 3 rd on our way to BB's, having a couple road pops to lubricate our synapses prior to spending twice as much on shittier beer at the bar. so, naturally, we're in the left hand turning lane at westminster highway. as we pull up, we notice a cop with his lights on, at the east side of the intersection, looking to turn left and continue southbound on 3rd. he hesitates for a bit, because he has a red light, we've got green. he finally goes and some guy in a taurus turns left coming from a southbound direction, turning east. the cop slams into him in the middle of the intersection, the taurus goes into a spin, and hits the PT cruiser in front of us. immediately we hide our beer and get out of the car to talk to them as witnesses. we give our statements to a very eager new cop who tells us way too much info. he tells us where the cop was going when he had the accident and why he was going there, and then the guy tells us that he's going to get written up because my statement said that he didn't have his siren on. which he didn't. until he pulled out into the intersection. too little too late piggy bitch. anyway. it seems like the cop is going to get in trouble regardless. so we give our statements and head on down to bb's and get fucked up on cheap draught beer and sing a multitude of songs, karaoke style. justin, thanks for being my fuck-up friend... islands in the stream, that is what we are, and we rely on each other uh huh.... FROM ONE something to ANOTHER UH HUH.

so we meet some kids, yeah they's was kids, or they look like kids anyway, although the one i befriended (yes, only befriended, i'm quite in love with my mikey, thank you) said he was 26. didn't get a look at his ID, and he really didn't look it. but whatever. we meet some friends and decide we'll take them home with us to continue the drink parade and the goof off festival at my place. we make the mandatory stop at mcdonald's and get some chow and then head down number one rd to the 7-11 at steveston & number 1. suddenly i realize i'm wearing a beer cape, and i see a parked autobus on the side of the road just before the 7-11. so i decide it'd be a fucking grand idea to whip my iced-tea from mcdouche's at the bus. and so i do. it makes beautiful spraying contact with the coast mountain bus company vehicle and i feel pride in myself. pull into the 7-11, i run inside to purchase some smokizzles and i come back out and there are cops surrounding our car! AND THEY HAVE MY BEER. now, for those of you who don't know the rules of an after hours with chordizzle and the gang, beer is an essential part. without it we might as well watch martha stewart crochet a fucking yank flag in real time on P-fuckinBS. sad, you say? blow me.

so. i walk out of the 7-11 and manage to spit out a "what's the problem osssifer?" and he points to a bus that has pulled up outside the sev, and the angry bus driver talking to another cop who has just asked him, "and was there any damage, sir?". fucking killjoy bus driver BITCH.

so, now we're all out of the car, the cop car already has two fuckoffs in the back seat of his car, he confiscates our beer and asks for ashlizzle's shizzle. she produces her license, but the thing is, it's not her car. it's a friend's car. and the cop starts asking if this friend is reachable and if he could come out to the scene and we're like, wtf? no. he lives downtown and i told the cop, dude, it's like 3am, he's probably sleeping! why would he have to come to the scene when all that happened was some dumbass drunk chick with her beer cape on slammed an iced tea into a bus? i mean, i could understand if there was a major accident or something had happened to his car, but the BUS GOT WET IS ALL. so he drops it. but he notices squish's license is expired and all in all, with the open beer and the license and some other shit, the fines were going to be around $800.

and then i said, "geeez, what are the odds we'd have two cop incidents in one night?" the cop overhears this and says, "what do you mean?" i told him we gave statements at an accident earlier involving a cop and he says, "i KNEW i recognized you guys! that was me in the accident!" and suddenly, realizing the power we hold over him, he says, "ok, since you guys were great earlier and gave statements as witnesses, i'm gonna let this ride"

so what do you get, what do you get? a free ride and a fuckin' visit from midnight express is whatchu get, bitches. alls well that fuckin ends well. and i'm still drunk. bye.

Currently listening: The Police - Greatest Hits By The Police Release date: By 30 June, 1998

Labels: mike

posted by Courtney at 12:20 p.m.

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