syzygy part III

let me just backtrack here for a moment. the whole time i'd been with jeremy, which, at this point in the story had been about 7 or 8 months, i was in touch with mike still. jeremy knew this and didn't like it, but gave me no grief up until this point. he even went so far as to get on the phone with him now and again and converse - they had many similar interests.

when jeremy and i moved back in with my parents, it was no different. i would talk to mike as often as i could for as long as i could get away with, without feeling as though i was neglecting jeremy. in spite of this, jeremy was starting to feel neglected and the stress of being so far from home, getting married so early and not having our own home was beginning to take hold of him. we would argue endlessly, a nasty, low blow kind of arguing that my mom and dad would overhear. they would speak to me time and again, asking if things were ok, was he mistreating me. and at that time, he wasn't - i assured them he was just under a great deal of stress and as soon as we figured out our living situation things would blow over.

not so. i got a job as a convenience store clerk, and jeremy was still jobless. i worked hard and long so we could move out on our own and finally made that happen. jeremy and i moved into a one bedroom basement suite, bigger and brighter than any i'd seen before. we were both pleased and things did start to settle again.

because jeremy was not a canadian citizen and his immigration through our marriage was taking some time, he was unable to find a job as easily as i. he searched high and low for decent paying labour willing to conduct business under the table. he eventually did find such a job, but it was not, in any way, ideal. jeremy was being paid to work the graveyard shift in a porn studio, scanning pictures. it wasn't the fact that it was porn that bothered me, i was quite secure in the fact that he loved me and have never had a problem with any of the men in my life looking at pictures of naked women. it was the fact that it was overnight. living in a basement suite and being alone every night for the first time in my life, was unsettling. images of the rape would float through my head and i would scare myself half to death. i was unable to sleep and found myself on the internet quite often, chatting with mike.

when i explained to mike the difficulties i was having, he began calling every night again, just to keep me company, to keep my mind off it. we would talk about trivial things, world events, politics, religion and spirituality but at no point did i ever cross the line and feel as though i was being disloyal to my husband. i was simply finding solace in the sound of my friend's voice.

it was around this time that i found out i was pregnant. i told jeremy and we both acted pleased. we told my family and his and congrats were received from all directions. it seem a natural next step, and we assured each other we were ready for it.

but jeremy only became more angry and untrusting. it was clear the pregnancy was only causing stress in jeremy's mind.

while at work each night, jeremy began to sign on to the internet and find me chatting with mike. he would also, based on this, be able to piece together the fact that mike was calling me quite often. he didn't like this. he started to get angry with me when he got home, and it would escalate, until one night he told me i couldn't talk to mike anymore because i was just being a "slut" and a "whore". i wasn't about to take this from him, and i let him know this was unacceptable. jeremy snapped. the pregnancy, the job situation, being so far from his family, money problems and now mike all came to a boiling, terrifying peak and it culminated in my nose making ferocious contact with his knee and ending up bloody and broken.

to be cont'd...

Currently listening: Read Music/Speak Spanish By Desaparecidos

Labels: mike

posted by Courtney at 1:23 a.m.

Sick of paying so much for calls from prison? Click here, DO Something