as i said, a lot on my mind, part 2

i was watching a recommended flick last night about the stanford prison experiments, 'the experiment' or 'das experiment' (german film) and it was shocking and sad. the main character was prisoner ..77 and even that didn't cheer me up at all.

i kept dreading work today. it's not that there's anything horrible about my job, it's rather comfy, and i started the business myself for chrissakes. i get to work at home, with my dog, set my own hours, and make lots of money. but i hate it. i simply hate it.

i can only explain the way i feel by saying that my spiritual bank is empty. my bank account at the nearest financial institution is full, but i don't care.

i can't sit here and do this meaningless crap all day while in the back of my mind all i think about is the innocent man who's being executed tonight in texas or how many young teenagers are going to spend their first, terrified night in jail or the fact that one of the most incredible human beings i've ever known is in such an unbelievably unsafe place.

and then i get a google alert regarding mike's prison and a suicide and my heart skips a beat and i can't wait for the damned article to load, finally i see that the dead man is a man from death row and it couldn't possibly be mike and i relax. but only a little. 'cause another alert will come tomorrow. i feel a little guilty for being relieved that it was some other man who killed himself and not mike, and i just get angry at a world which creates such inner conflict in my mind.

then as i read the article further, i'm flabber-fuckin-gasted at the content. it's about a correctional officer who was fired because this man on death row killed himself.

IT'S DEATH ROW. HE WAS GOING TO BE KILLED ANYWAY. it seems so utterly absurd that there is even a conversation that has sprung from this. it just happened sooner and at the hands of someone else. are these people mad because they couldn't get their kicks sticking someone with a poison needle? why are they so upset? i mean, i understand why compassionate people would be upset, but generally speaking, killers yield very little compassion from the system that sucks 'em in, guilty or innocent and spits 'em out in body bags. it's just so terribly bizarre.

please don't forget to sign tookie's petition. this is one guy who can grab enough attention that maybe his sentence will be commuted and maybe we'll start talking about the relevance of the death penalty in the 21st century. it's a start, to just be talking about it.

Labels: mike

posted by Courtney at 4:56 p.m.

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