09

the microwave is flashing :09 at me. in the chaos of the evening ritual, i seem to have forgotten to reset the microwave timer. i know, you totally thought this was going to be a new year post. hah. fuck the new year.

it's 11pm. it feels like 3am. everyone is asleep. it's enchanting, being alone in a house full of sleeping people and puppies. it makes you feel like you're doing something secret. and so sometimes you try and find something to do that would be considered somewhat secret. although, the older you get, the less daringly secret these things become and the earlier this feeling of mischievous solitude occurs. y'know, cause daddy's and babies go to sleep a lot earlier than drunk twenty-somethings.

i used to be able to fill a whole night fucking around with computers, on the internet or phone. now, when i get that feeling like, "wow, alone time, what shall i do? i can do anything... but what?" i usually just end up watching some crappy movie or going to bed early. like tonight, i watched mirrors with keifer freakin sutherland. it was terrible. but it doesnt matter how bad a horror flick is, if you watch it alone, at night, you still become more aware of every little sound. suddenly the fridge's hum is louder, the palm leaves scratching your window a little creepier.

i don't know what i'm writing. i wish i could write what i want to write. too many people read this. apparently. i never knew until i wrote something stupid once... all of a sudden the world jumps on my back and i'm like, woah...? you all read this? why?

one of those secret things i considered, was starting a secret blog, under a pen name. so i could write what i want. but that's just fucking retarded. so i write it up and send it to mike. even though he never responds. my hope is that one day he will (and that on that day, the mexican post decides to be efficient).

and with that, i oughtta get to bed. my beautiful baby boy is an early riser and we have very necessary cuddles in the morning.

Labels: mike

posted by Courtney at 8:54 p.m.

Sick of paying so much for calls from prison? Click here, DO Something