food hangups

did you ever drink pickle juice? or olive juice? i still do. i know, i have problems. but the juice of a pickle is the best part. i always eat them real slow and suck out all the juice. then when there are no more pickles left, i sip the juice with a real small spoon. the spoon must be small. it makes me feel like i'm sipping pickle juice in moderation. i'm very particular about my spoons. i must eat yoghurt with a teaspoon. and ice cream (well, i don't like ice cream much, but soya dessert or sherbet) must be consumed with a teaspoon. soup requires a tablespoon. some cereals need a tablespoon, although shreddies require a teaspoon. and i never eat kraft dinner with a spoon, only a fork. and i stab each noodle, i don't scoop and lift, they must be stabbed. naturally it can take me a long time to finish a bowl of KD. rice, any sort of sushi, chinese food, noodles that are not pasta, and tempura must all be consumed with chop sticks. and i don't like to eat food with my fingers ever. some people eat sushi rolls with their fingers and some sushi etiquette books suggest it, but i would rather attempt to pick it up with chop sticks unsuccessfully for an hour than use my fingers.

the only ice cream i really like is dairy queen, and dairy queen offers the perfect size spoon with which to consume a blizzard or a peanut buster parfait. but my favorite DQ treat is the ice cream cake and eating a slice of DQ ice cream cake is a process for me and takes quite a bit of time. first, the correct spoon must be used, a teaspoon or one of those long, red DQ spoons. i then start on the vanilla ice cream. and i never put the whole spoonful of ice cream in my mouth, i just let my lips run lightly over it, collecting what they will, savour and repeat until the spoon is clear of any sort of dairy product. then i get another scoop. i continue until all the vanilla is gone, right up to the fudge cookie mixture, then i turn it around and work on the chocolate the same way. finally, all that is left is the fudge/cookie middle and i slowly munch my way through that and then lick the plate.

popsicles are never bitten or chewed, only licked and sucked. chocolate is allowed to melt in my mouth, never chewed. sometimes i let my gum sit under my tongue and just send off the slightest bits of flavor every now and then. hard candies are dissolved slowly and grilled cheese sandwiches must be dipped in a ketchup/hot sauce mixture, preferably frank's. hamburger's are worthless without cheese, mcchoke's fries useless without mcchicken sauce, white spot fries wasted without zoo dip, and fish and chip joint fries are nothing but trash without salt, pepper and malt vinegar.

and finally, there is nothing, nothing at all, like baby bok choi stir fried in a little chicken broth eaten with chop sticks and a cup of premium jasmine tea.

bon appaetite mes amis!

Currently listening: Soup By Blind Melon Release date: By 15 August, 1995

posted by Courtney at 6:28 p.m.

Sick of paying so much for calls from prison? Click here, DO Something