such a little nightmare brain

rain clouds. i'm still wearing socks and it's june. i sleep too much. i drink too much. i have too much money to be trusted. my extended family won't come see me anymore because i live in a mansion and they're jealous (tell ya what, i'll let you come over and clean it if your so effing jealous, ever try dusting a mansion?). nobody listens. everyone talks. one day i'll have my book published and everyone will pop a woody over it and people will run around saying "i know courtney! i know courtney!" and they'll be asked by the press such questions as "who is the most influencial person or people in courtney's life?" and they'll all say, "uhhhnnn, macgyver? i dunno! make something up! just pay me my damned interview fee!". i feel i shouldn't have to force information on people. my friends force info on me. sometimes it's nice to have a two way conversation. you know, a back and forth rally of words that effin mean something.

all the guys that make advances have significant others and i'm sick of it, i'm not going to fall into your slimy owned-wang-dance trap, no thanks pal. go dip it in your own chick. or theyre germ buckets, swirling vats of bubbling, boiling, steaming venereal disease, warts, herpes, HIV and crabs, just waiting to boil over and make contact with anything that has sex organs. ummm. no. i'd thank you to go WASH. please. dirty fucks.

i have an addiction to seriously depressing reading material. i went to chapters last night and bought a book about the world's most notorious prisons and the history of incarceration. i was in line at safeway today and i saw the time magazine about interrogations at guantanamo, "ooohhh, prison", and bought it. in all my spare time i read accounts of innocents in jail, wrongful convictions, people who've been put to death based on the testimony of a forensics expert who has later been proven to be a fraud and none of his testimony, past or present can be trusted. i read about how the state of arkansas corrections used to harvest plasma from prisoners, prisoners who had hepatitis and HIV, and they'd send it all off to pharmaceutical companies that turned it into meds that control bleeding and thus, were given to women in childbirth and the woman and infant became infected with HIV or hepatitis. the world health organization estimated 3 million women and children contracted HIV and hepatitis from arkansas inmates. toxic shit in vaccinations making people autistic, grisly pow abuses at guantanamo, dubya, apathy, racism, the extreme right. it's all so inhumane and terrible. why do we do this to each other? are we collectively so stupid that we think we'll survive this way?

on the bright side, i did also buy a book entitled "extraordinary popular delusions and the madness of crowds" by charles mackay. should shed some light on why we're the suckiest species EVER.

it sounds like i have the weight of the world in my heart, but my dog is always on my heels and that makes me alright.

Currently listening: Transatlanticism By Death Cab for Cutie

posted by Courtney at 7:53 p.m.

Sick of paying so much for calls from prison? Click here, DO Something